Rude food

As far as eating is concerned, have you ever put something in your mouth expecting it to be one thing, and it turned out to be something else? What's that called anyway, when your expectation of something is shot down in a hale of gunfire? And what about that disappointment you feel just after the moment you close your mouth and realise that this thing lodged between your teeth, is not the morsel you were hoping it to be?

I have a bad habit of cleaning up my workspace in the kitchen by placing my finger on the spilled foodstuff, and popping whatever it is into my mouth. So sue me, alright? It might be gross, but I figure that if the countertops are clean to begin with and the food that spills on the countertop is the same stuff that's being served in the fancy china, what's wrong with tasting the food on the countertop?

This unflattering little quirk of mine has it's drawbacks of course. Every now and then I am subjected to that great regret when the thing in my mouth turns out to be something I would usually not be nibbling on.

Like last night, for instance: I was roasting slivers of sweet potato and carrot in a terracotta baking dish. As I placed the dish back in the oven after a quick check on the roasting procedure, I noticed a crispy looking orange sliver resting on the chrome of the stove top. Without hesitating I picked up the toasted fragment and popped it into my mouth. Expecting crispy carrot. What I got was a shard of terracotta baking dish wedged well and truly behind my top incisor. It's disappointing, really. And embarrassing.

And talking of embarrassing moments of incorrect tasting, let me share another delightful little story with you. 

The story happened about two years ago when my dear little cherubs were barely toddling. We were all sitting around in the lounge partaking of a wonderful fettucini alfredo. The children were testing the meal out of their parents' bowls (as little children do). It was quite a busy scene with little people scrambling up onto the adults' laps and hopping off again the moment they had had enough of what was on offer. The meal was tasty. The sauce particularly so. At one point during the meal I looked down and happened to notice a gloop of alfredo sauce dripped on my blouse. Brain has no say in the matter as Jessica gathers up her blouse and licks the spill off.

Sensitive readers would do well to look away now.

Turns out that in all the clambering up and down, one of my precious darlings had wiped their nose on my blouse. And I leave that sad story there.

Other deceptive mouthfuls I've come across are the following: a cube of apple flesh hiding in a salad appearing to all intents and purposes to be a block of feta cheese; wasabi camouflaged as guacamole; the top of a red chilli pretending to be half a baby tomato; cold porridge posing as mashed potato; a plastic bead in my blueberry compote.

So be careful little teeth what you eat...