Porn to be Mild

Have you ever been minding your own business out there in cyberspace, browsing through virtual malls, smelling the digital daisies, when all of a sudden your PC is bombarded with the sort of things that you would never admit to your mother that you have even heard of? Of course it's happened to you! If you are reading this right now, you would be lying if you said that cyber-porn had never crossed paths with you.

So there I was thinking that my sweet little blog was floating around in a sea of equally sweet and polite collections of ramblings from around the globe, with the odd horrific incident or blasphemous retort thrown in, when all of a sudden I tripped up on a 9 inch dildo and fell face first into somebody's very naked crotch. 

Now I'm a nurse. I am not shocked by the human body. I have seen it all. I've had plenty of very intimate encounters with all manner of anatomy. If you want stories, I could regale you for hours with descriptive, sometimes disgusting, often hilarious tales of wobbly bits and other important body parts. And yet there is still something intrinsically disturbing to me about cyber-porn that floats around just waiting to poke it's horn into my Internet Explorer Cookies Folder.

Call me old-fashioned or naive or whatever, but really, couldn't they just keep all that stuff in a little Pandora's box that isn't lying around for any John, Dick or Hairy to trip over and drown in? Look, I'm not being a prude. If you want it, by all means help yourself, but please don't leave it lying around in between my blog and my kids' school's website. You know what I'm saying?

I mean there really is no value to the cyber-surfer who isn't actually looking for it, to find it. There are enough free porn sites out there that you could get so completely submerged into it without another single person actually even making a cent out of it. So where's the value of slipping a leaflet under every single virtual windscreen wiper then?

I guess that the truth of my gripe is that I'm really moaning about real estate. If you have ever spent an idle hour reading blogs, you will know that you can generally skip from one blog to the next at a randomly generated order, never knowing exactly what the next page holds. And if it all comes down to LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION, then it concerns me that in a brief moment of binary calculation I may end up next door neighbour to a Barely Legal Teen doing something Exceedingly Acrobatic to a Very Lucky Cowboy. It's just not the reputation I'm going for at this point in my life, see?

So I guess what I'm saying is, if you happen to drop in for a browse around and then shuffle on to the next site and it turns out to be a Lonely Housewife amusing herself with a Vacuum Cleaner and a Candle Snuffer, well, I had nothing to do with the town planning. OK?