You say Masseur, I say Masseuse

So here's the question: when booking a massage at a REPUTABLE establishment (before you go getting any weird ideas now), and the lady on the phone asks if you'd prefer a male or female therapist, what is the correct answer? Anyone?

I mean either way, you could be making a major social feux pas, right? Whether you're a man or a woman, is there actually an appropriate answer to this question?

I mean, as a woman, if I ask for a female therapist, does she think I want a bit of girly action?Does she compare or judge my wobbly bits during the massage? Is she thinking, "Thank Heavens my cellulite only covers my thighs - this chick's hardly got a patch of flat firmament." And would I prefer for a male or a female therapist to take note of all my bodily flaws, anyway?

Or if I asked for a male therapist, well, what would my husband say, right? And what if the therapist's quite nice? And what if it feels kind of weird having some other (quite nice) guy running his hands over otherwise spoken-for territory. Call me prudish, but it does pose a mild dilemma, in my book. And anyway, isn't a masseur more like a physiotherapist, anyway?

And if I was a (straight) man, would I really ask for a male therapist? Could I really, willingly request another man to rub the knots out of my back? And if I ask for a female, does she think, "Ag shame, poor guy needs to pay a woman to touch him"? And consider for a moment (but really, JUST a moment, please) that other little matter that may arise. For a man. You know which one I mean. Yes, that one. Does the female therapist get a kick out of that? A bit of an inside joke, if you will. And the male therapist? If I were a (straight) guy getting a massage from a male therapist and I had an unplanned uprising, well, just how would I deal with that? The masseur sure as heck isn't blind, or dumb. I mean, how do you go about explaining that? Or do you go into the whole experiencing thinking, "Me nan on the bog, me nan on the bog" (Thank you, Ali G), and get so focussed on preventing it from happening, that you actually can't relax?

And, what if the tables are turned? What if the masseur has a physically apparent reaction to the giving of the massage? Look, it's not likely going to happen in my case, but if I was a perky petite 20-something, or a strapping athlete-type, and I caught the therapist's eye, well, what if I lifted my head at just that moment, and came eye to, er, eye(?) with the therapist? Which would be worse? If I was a woman? Maybe that would be like one of those highlights of your week, where you know you've got the goods. But if I was a (straight) man? No matter how comfortable in my sexuality I was, it would be quite a testing circumstance, I think. Or does the male therapist go into the massage thinking, "Me nan on the bog, me nan on the bog, Pick up some milk, blitz and toilet paper on the way home"?

Ok, ok! I hear you! They're all so professional and there isn't anything 'funny' about their therapy, but come on! People are people, and people think things all the time - the massage therapist is not a brain-dead machine performing a pre-programmed service, right? And the customer also is not comatose (although, depending on how things turn out, they might wish to be).

Fortunately, this is not a problem I have to deal with often, but it has come up recently, and I am having trouble trying to make my mind up about it...