I wonder whether the Weather will Work with me..

Dear Mother Nature

So, thanks for the grass and the trees and the fact that my newly planted herb garden is still growing. I really appreciate that - quite surprisingly it does a lot for my self esteem knowing that I can keep 15 plants alive.

The reason I'm writing has to do with the weather. I realise that someone is going to have to get your cold shoulder from time to time, and that this winter was our turn, and part of the complications of living in Cape Town is dealing with winter rainfall. (For the record, I personally, do not hold that gainst you in the slightest). 

You've given us a break now from the rainfall, and I can only assume your complaints department insisted that you dried things up a bit for the Western Cape, considering how much people have been moaning about the wetness. But I need to ask you to turn on the taps again, please.

At this point I can only imagine that you feel damned if you do, damned if you don't, and as a woman, and a mother myself, I extend a sympathetic arm of comfort.

Back to the reason for my correspondence:

My issue has nothing to do with you, mind you, but with some lousy homo stupid sapien who has taken it upon himself to relieve himself on my front lawn. I have recently become aware of a nasty urine smell lingering over the lavender when I return home from my errands, and am completely mortified that some sorry excuse for a human is pissing in my petunias (to coin a phrase). 

The problem, Mother Nature, is that I can't pin-point the exact bush that has been the recipient of this vulgar behaviour, and thus I'm asking for your help to rinse off this filthy poison like only you know how. Of course I'm aware that I could get the same results by putting on my sprinkler system and running it for half an hour, but I figure that if you do it, chances are the reprobate who has generously fertilised my flower beds will not take to leaking in my lavender in the pouring rain. A deterrent, if you will.

Please consider my request. Even if it's just for the sake of making another mother's life that little bit sunnier (metaphorically speaking, of course!).

Yours sincerely.

J

xxx