Human Evolution

Today on Talk Radio, it was mentioned that human evolution is pretty much coming to an end. Some clever scientist has figured it all out, and suggests that this is about as good as it's going to get for the species homo sapiens. 

How disappointing!

I have so many great ideas for improving on the standard model human. For instance: the third hand. As a midwife the need for a third hand somewhere around my belly button became apparent early on. Just to hold onto things like stethoscopes, catheters, umbilical cords and kidney bowls. It was when I became a mother that the need for a third hand became more urgent. You know, to hold a nappy bag while steering two kids across the road, to catch the cup that your toddler knocks over while you're busy cutting their chicken into bite-size pieces, or to scratch around for your car-keys while hanging onto your sugar overloaded kids after a party.

See? The third hand evolution is still an important development in perfecting the human.

More recently I have become more concerned with another flaw of the average person, namely the opaqueness of the head. It is becoming more and more frustrating for me to guess at what's going on in a person's mind. I find myself second guessing every move and word and action, trying to work out what people are actually saying. Just when I think I've got someone figured out, they completely pull the carpet out from underneath me, and I'm left back at square one, no closer to understanding this individual than I ever was.

So. The solution, I figure, is a transparent head. One that you can see deep into and get to the core of what's actually making the wheel spin. Oh yes. And coloured thoughts. And a key to decode them. Like pink thoughts might mean: gee, I'm really craving marshmallows. And a brown thought might mean, you're a complete idiot, you make me sick, but because we're in the same lift club I'm just being polite and putting up with you. Blue thoughts may mean I'm not a total moron, I'm just not very good at showing you I care. Orange thoughts might mean I like you, but your body odour is pretty intolerable right know. And yellow thoughts might mean, it's not that you're boring me right now, but I need to pee so badly that my eyes are watering and I can't stop wriggling in discomfort.

You know. Something like that.