People are Interesting, aren't they?

So I recently went out to a show. Yessirree! a bona fide grown-ups' night out on the town! Ok, Ok, so I won the tickets to the show (cheapskate), and the mother of the year and I were the youngest people at the event (that's what I get for listening to Talk Radio).

But the point of the story is that we took our seats (really good seats, too) after asking the couple who had taken our seats to move up (old fogies who couldn't read the seat numbers on their tickets in the dusky pre-show light. Oh, and this was AFTER the old guy offered me his lap for the duration of the show - Dirty Old Man  - I do mean that in a most affectionate sort of way!).

We had a couple of minutes to spare before the show started and, realising just how ridiculously young we were in comparison, and so, what the heck, I surrendered to the friendly banter that can rise up when seated next to a DOM. His partner turned out to be a vast pit of crazy and another whole double dose of giggles.

She was scratching furiously in her handbag, when she noticed  that I had been eyeing her out quizzically. I couldn't help it, really. It wasn't the discreet scratching of a woman looking for her lip balm. It was the crazed digging of a treasure-obsessed pirate who just found the X.

"I'm having a hot flush!" she said, by way of explanation.

I shook my head. "I heard they're called power surges." She chuckled and went back to her digging.

Suddenly she paused, smiled, and whipped out a tooth-brush. The DOM shook his head.

"You never know when you might not be going home!" she shrugged.

Good point, I thought and made a mental note to get me a toothbrush for my handbag.

She happily chatted away while her arm disappeared into the depths of her handbag. What she removed next, I had not expected. A condom.

"Like I said," she continued, "You do never know!"

She noticed the look on my face. "You want this, Honey?"

I shook my head. I think I did it too quickly. I was trying desperately to get the mother of the year's attention. But instead of his knee, I was squeezing the armrest of my chair.

The lady giggled. "Perhaps we can pass it around and see where it ends up?"

I was still speechless. I think I might have giggled a bit. I was trying to get my mind around the condom in an old lady's bag concept.

I pulled myself together. "You got anything else in that bag?" I inquired.

The DOM and his lady looked at each other and winked. Hovering over her handbag, she slipped her hand in and pulled out a silver pocket knife.

"I wanted to see if I would get through security with this, " she said. "It went through the x-ray and they didn't even say anything!" The two of them seemed rather pleased with their successful smuggle.

At this point, I could have given into an awkward nervousness, but I figured there were enough witnesses to be on the safe side.

I tried to add something valuable to the exchange. "Strangest thing I've got in my handbag is a moldy peppermint and a melted wax crayon." Silence. Polite smiling. She won that competition hands down. The look on her face told me so.

Fortunately for me, it was at that point that the lights went down, and the wonderful evening show started.

Since then though, I have been troubled by two thoughts. The first, obviously, is the condom. I mean come on! The woman's having hot flashes, for crying out loud! Unless, and this is truly troubling for me, she is a multi-partner player. And it troubles me, because she's older than my mom and it just feels funny.

The other little obsession I have brewing, is my interest in what people are carrying in their purses. I catch myself speculating as to what that woman's D&G handbag is holding, or what's lying at the bottom of that guy's backpack. Is this how "NOSY" starts?