Where did the romance go?

My husband presented me with a big jar of Chocolate Body paint for Valentine's Day. He had a twinkle in his eye. So did I. The first thought through my head was, "I wonder if the girls would like this on their school sarmies?" Shouldn't have thought aloud though, because hubby-dear was greatly offended. 

We spent Valentine's in a family restaurant watching the girls getting their faces painted, chasing after them to finish their fish fingers, and worrying about being home so that they didn't get to bed too late as it was a school night. It sounds like a miserable attempt at romance, but we did manage to savour a few quiet moments between the girls running back and forth to the play area and the waiter taking his time to take our order. 

OK, OK - so we didn't go to a huge effort in the first place to actually plan something for V-day, so I really can't complain about it being a non-event. Not that I view it as a non-event, because I do value the time I spent with my soul-mate over a banana milkshake and the chips the girls didn't finish.

But it got me thinking about how the romance in our relationship seems to have waned over time. Our first Valentine's day together (12 years ago) started at 4:15 am. We were making out on a small hill just outside of Pretoria with coffee and croissants as the sun rose and the morning sounds of the nearby farmstead  filled the air. We stayed up there until about 7am watching the golden clouds evaporate into the sky. The local farmer and his dog interrupted our daybreak romp. But it had been so romantic and so exciting! 

A couple of years later, my beau cooked dinner for me. Small round table set for two. One red rose in a vase.  Candle-lit venue. 3 course meal. Gourmet. I was sold on this man.

Even after our first born arrived, we managed a romantic, indoor, candle-lit picnic (OK, so we shared the event with 2 other couples, but it was a lovely evening). But something about the passionate romance of young-love had started to fade.

By now, the nervous sparks have long since been replaced with steady flames. The discovery of things unknown replaced by comfortable familiarity. The need to smother the object of my affections with erotic kisses is replaced by the need for sleep to retain my sanity. I do want kisses, but I would rather shower and get the stickiness from lollypop fingers out of my hair. As for gifts, I'd love jewelry, but I'd appreciate far more having the car valeted as it's so full of crumbs that the seats go "crunch" when you sit down. The Kama Sutra used to be the book on my bedside table. Now it's Dr So-'n-So's guide to diagnosing Childhood rashes. This year my secret admirers are waist high and urinate on the toilet-seat. Sigh. Where did Valentine's Day go?

For me Valentine's Day is when he comes home from work, knowing my day sucked, and presents me with a bunch of flowers just to make me smile. Valentine's happens when we put a movie on for the kids first thing in the morning and creep back into bed for a late morning lie-in. Valentine's is an impromptu sunset walk on the beach, hand-in-hand, watching the waves wipe our footprints into the sea. Sometimes it's locking eyes and feeling so much love for this other person that it's hard to control the emotion. 

The fact that the Valentine's Day card I received this year is bright pink with wonky hearts and a smiley faced butterfly drawn in black permanent marker is fantastic. I view it as a step-up from the gold-edged calligraphy-embellished Hallmark card I got 10 year's ago.

As for the chocolate body paint - it has been stored in the cupboard alongside the peanut-butter and the Marmite. It's waiting for Valentine's Day next week to make a re-appearance.