On saving people

Sunday. The Plan: 1.  Sleep-in. 2. Late breakfast. 3. Argue about what we plan to do today. 4. Start doing what we argued about - probably tidying up the study/ toy box/ kitchen counter/ bar (we have a lot of places that easily get cluttered). 5. Late lunch. 6. Take girls for a bike ride. 7. Early supper. 8. Early bed.

What really happened: 1. Tried to sleep-in. Girls awake at 6:30 and arguing about who was going to dress up as a fairy and who was going to be the bride. Yelled at them to keep quiet because we're still sleeping. They repented at 7:00 by bringing us offerings of leftover sweets and chocolates from yesterday's party box. Great! Now they've started the day on a sugar-high. Ignore the chocolate marshmallow graciously placed next to my head on my pillow. Girls' volume increases as sugar sets in. Roll over and pull duvet over my head to block out the noise. Squash chocolate egg. Open eyes for real this time. Notice husband has already surrendered to the demands for attention and breakfast from the offspring and hear him busy in the kitchen. My hero. Could sleep a little longer. Feel guilty that he's up and I'm not. Pull my self out of bed. 

2. Earlier breakfast than planned. Comment on the mess. Which very nicely wraps up 2. and leads us straight into...

3. A bit of bickering over who makes the greater mess and why it takes forever to clean it up. I complain that I can't tidy a place because of all his stuff and he says the same about me. Very unoriginal. Decide today will be the day for sorting out the study, the great black hole of our home. The place where all things, important or not, vanish for varying periods of time. It is the customs department of our house. Anything coming in or going out has to pass through the study. Many things get confiscated, never to be seen or heard from again (it happened to a house guest once, I swear! We filed a missing persons report and everything...) Sometimes it takes a day to retrieve the groceries, sometimes more. But mostly it's the paperwork that gets delayed the most. Post, junk mail, birthday cards, accounts, newspapers. So today we set about taking on the paper monster.

4. Approach study with caution. Get distracted (as one does when finally getting around to doing something you've been procrastinating about for ages). Hubby's busying himself deciding how to hang a shelf in Air-Bear's bedroom (OK, VERY distracted) and I'm concientiously attacking a new load of washing. Cue the doorbell. And this is where the day takes a very interesting turn.

4a. Lady at the front door: "Have you got a hose-pipe? Your neighbour's roof's on fire!"

4b. Hubby runs into nearby telephone booth, sheds his DIY home maintenance alter ego overalls and reappears as Blade - Super Hero In Training. Hops over neighbour's wall with garden hose rolled over his shoulder. Hops back 30 seconds later to get tap nozzle connector. He hops back over. Now, people, we're talking 2m high wall here. (Go go gadget pogo!)

4c. Neighbour's lovely thatch roof smoulders happily in gorgeous summer breeze. Little orange flames appear for brief moments to prove that the spark from their Sunday barbeque was quite potent indeed.

4d. Hubby reappears over the wall asking for a ladder - no hopping this time. After a few moments he comes to the front door to collect his order. I follow him back to the fiery inferno. The reassuring sirens of the approaching fire brigade are heard in the distance, but a wailing and gnashing of teeth is apparent in the garden. The neighbour's daughter is wailing and her full grown bull terrior is gnashing his teeth - there are just too many people in his yard.

4e. Crowded chaos indoors. At least 3 garden hoses are aimed at the burning roof. The furniture and appliances are showered with spray. Many people. Tons of smoke. Try to clear stuff out of the falling water. Daughter becoming hysterical. Also note a small maltese poodle making a terrified poo on the stairs. The firebrigade have arrived and the maltese poodle is nearly crushed by large fireman boots. (Husband wishes he had large fireman boots and cool tough guy jacket instead of cargo pants and gym t-shirt I find out many hours later).

4f. Figure the Super Hero In Training and fire crew have things under control. Keeping calm I do the mother hen thing and scoop up the now diarrhoetic maltese poodle, hysterical teenager and rabid bull terrior and march them all next door for a cup of sweet tea. On arrival discover that I have mysteriously acquired another soul in need of rescuing - a 6 year old who happened to be on the premises at the time too. Oh well - give them all sweet tea. The maltese poodle seems to be leaking. Put it outside.

4g. We watch the proceedings from over the wall. T-bird and Air-Bear, not quite understanding the situation decide that these visitors need to be entertained and start pulling out every show-off party trick in the book. The visitors smile politely.

4h. The bull terrior manages to jump into our swimming pool. Through the pool net. First time all morning that I start sweating. All I can think is that this hyperactive canine is going to drown in my pool while he's mistresses house burns to the ground. Rush to open the pool net. Bull terrior clambers out the pool, phew! and runs straight into the house to shake off excess water, damn!

4i. Maltese drops a load on the threshold of the kitchen door. Not called poo-dles for nothing! I'm gonna kill that dog. Look for a hose to spray the offending parcel into the garden. Hose next door. Crap.

4j. Check on next door - firemen packing up. The problem is in check. No more fire. Great! Can send the visitors back home. Hysterical daughter - check. Wet bull terrior - check. Mystery 6 year-old - check. Endangered maltese poodle - missing. Check pool - no poodle. T-bird spots the rat under a delicious monster - try to collect him, he runs, terrified. Dammit. Spend next 10 minutes chasing after leaky dog. Eventually corner him and pick him up like a baby, but carefully pull his tail up between his legs to serve as a diaper of sorts - must deliver this thing quick...

4k. Safely return all of my charge. Try and collect Super Hero In Training. He's being neighbourly. Return home alone.

4l. Get home and realise that it's almost lunch time, and remember we were expecting guests, who arrive as the fire truck pulls away. Luckily this makes the excuse that lunch-isn't-ready-because-the-neighbour's-house-was-on-fire-and-we-were-helping pretty credible, phew.

5. Very late lunch - we order pizza.

6. Take girls for their bike ride as well as a stop off at the park and a swim to make up for not being more available in the morning. All's great, but it did mean...

7. we had supper late. Hubby starts to feel a bit woozy. Says his head feels thick (translation - he inhaled too much smoke) and his butt aches (translation - no more leaping 10 foot walls in a single bound for some time).

8. Not as early as planned, but we all will sleep very well tonight.