These are the simple truths I have learned in the first five weeks of owning a puppy. And perhaps, whether you are a dog owner or a kid owner, you might be able to relate:
1. Kids and dogs poop. A lot. And while you don't need to pick up kid-poo in the garden, you do still need to wipe.
2. Kids don't pull the washing off the line and drag it through the mud. This is a lucky thing for them, because if they did, they would be in serious trouble.
3. Wet kids don't smell like wet dogs.
4. Both kids and dogs will fart unashamedly when you're watching TV.
5. Dogs get fleas. Kids get lice. Both of them get worms.
6. It is less alarming to find worms in your dog's poop than in your children's.
7. Vaccinating a kid costs about the same as vaccinating a dog.
8. You don't have to put your kids down if they get really sick.
9. People won't question you if you make your dog sleep outside. They might if it's your kid.
10. Kids are more likely to ignore you when you call them. A dog will never.
11. Kids and dogs bite equally painfully. But you can only make one of them let go by whacking them on the nose.
12. Both dogs and children get wet noses. Both types of wet nose will leave a silver slimy streak on your black trousers.
13. A dog will never complain that you've given them the same thing to eat three nights in a row.
14. A dog will wee on the carpet. A kid will wee in its bed.
15. You can't rub your kid's nose in it.
16. Both kids and dogs love going for a walk.
17. A kid will seldom wet themselves if "barked" at by a bigger kid. A dog, will.
18. Dogs should not eat off the table. Kids should not eat off the floor.
19. A dog and a kid can observe each other for the longest time, nose-to-nose, without either of them blinking.
20. Both creatures shed whenever they have sat for any length of time. Dogs shed hair. Kids shed toys, shoes, sweet wrappers and sand.
21. A dog will contort itself to lick its hard to reach bits because this is what dogs do. A kid will contort itself to suck its toes because it thinks it's funny.
22. It is hygienically imperative to wash your hands after handling either your dog or your kid.
23. Even if you yell at your dog, it will love you the next day. Kids are the same.
24. If the truth be told, you are never really ready to have a kid. Same applies for dogs.
25. A dog needs a kid. A kid needs a dog. A mother needs a break. Make it work!
1 comment:
Some more:
- Give a toy to a kid, it comes back with fingerprints, give it to a dog and it comes back chewed, wet and in pieces.
- Throw a ball, and the dog goes to fetch. The kid goes back to playing to playing somthing else, you fetch the ball yourself.
- Your kid licks your face, you lick back and then some. The dog licks your face, bring on the facial wash and exfoliant.
- Your dog will run along side the car, doing that with a kid draws the wrong kind of attention.
- Both however will run after the car if you leave them behind in a Free State town with the word "hell" in it.
- Your dog loves it's leash; the kid, somehow not as much.
The one formerly known as Mother of the year
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